Chickens and Eggs The elderly grandma always talked to the hens whenever she fed them. One day, her grandson asked, "Grandma, why do you talk to the chickens?" "I'm just trying to egg them on."
Fresh Like Produce My parents aged as slowly as a basket of freshly picked apples; I, on the other hand, am a halved avocado quickly approaching its expiration date.
Silver Hair "Grandma, I can't wait to have silver hair just like yours." Slathering sunscreen onto her head and plopping a sunhat on top, "...sure sweetheart, keep dreaming."
Road Rash An elderly couple looks through their living room windows to check the weather. After finding it bright and sunny, the elderly woman looks to her husband and asks "Winston, I forgot to put a bra on this morning. Think I should put one on before our walk?" Catching her eyes in a steady gaze, Winston replies, "Sweetheart, you probably should. It's pushing 90° and that's one area I don't think you want to get road rash on."
Fine Wine Some people age like fine wine. I'm aging like the buy 2 get 1 free bottles of the driest red in the grocery store.
Eyewitness to Crime
The elderly man was an eyewitness to the car shop crime scene. When the police asked him to tell them what happened, he told them what he'd seen.
"The guy with the beer belly grabbed a wrench from the toolbox!"
"What happened next?" the detective asked.
"Oh man, it was a gut-wrenching moment."
All the Better to Hear You With
Two older men catch up over a hot lunch at their favorite diner.
"Larry, those docs told me that my new hearing aids are the highest quality ones on the market, and they should be with how much I paid for 'em."
"I'm sure they are! Have you really had the chance to exercise their potential, yet?"
"Why on Earth would I exorcize the things? My doctor's a card-carrying Catholic."
Tune-Up Aging is like owning a classic car. In order to keep looking beautiful, you'll need more than a few tune-ups and a fresh coat of paint.
Fashion Comes Back Around You know you're old when your grandkids won't stop raiding your closet because "coastal grandmother" fashion is all the rage.